A bit of VF-sociology

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Community portals are fun. Teenager-based community portals are even funnier. :) Vampirefreaks.com is perhaps the biggest surface for “unique” youngsters these days. Here you can see a  list of frequently-quoted (and often over-used) phrases from the world’s collective VF-dictionary. Please handle with humour!

“I’m a very opinionated person and I know everybody on this site thinks that I’m a spoiled little brag… ” – well, first of all, I highly doubt anybody thinks of you at all, secondly I don’t think that sticking your nose into stuff that’s none of your business and never listening to others makes you an OPINIONATED person. It just shows that you’re an ignorant, immature kiddo.

“I can spell every word in the dictionary/dictionerry.” – that’s not such a great achievment at the age of 15, hun’. 12 years ago it would have been a bigger deal though.

“I speak five languages and my IQ is 150, I have papers about it.” – and in what way does it make you a better person? If you were emotionally intelligent, you wouldn’t feel the need to let the whole world know about it anyway.

“I’m not a goth. I’m myself and I cannot be labelled.” – yeah, and you’re the only person who cannot be labelled in the whole universe, again. And why would you be a goth? Just because you wear black like millions of other kids who think Korn or Rasmus is “gauthique”?

“I went through plastic surgery when I turned 18 because I care about my appearance and I simply feel better this way, DEAL WITH IT / GET OVER IT.” – No way, I think I will have sleepless nights because of this, right. I can’t stop thinking of you – a complete stranger 20 thousand kilometers away from me – having plastic tits.

“This is my beloved boyfriend; don’t try to steal him, he adores me. Hands off bitches, he is all mine!” – yeah, sure, every chick who gets to see a photoshopped picture of him would cross the ocean only to steal him from you. If he loves you so much, he wouldn’t be enticed so easily anyway.

“Don’t tell me I’m beautiful and unique because I know that. Don’t say things like “nice profile, 10 for you”, only leave me a comment if you have something intelligent to say.” – well, yeah, first comments are usually written about the latest discoveries in cancer research or a Nobel-Prize winning essay on world peace.

“I don’t need your stupid comments and new friends on VF. I’m the most popular girl in our area and I don’t give a fuck what you rate me.” – what makes this comment particularly genuine is that fact that it’s usually pursued by the following remark:

“I’m a premium, bitch, I can see you!” – come on, for heaven’s sake!!! You can’t be serious!!! However, it can get even more childish, I’ve already seen the following remarkable threat:

“Don’t mess with me: my brother has known Jet since kindergarten. / I have admins for friends.” – OMG, I’ve already ordered a copy of the Holy Bible to be able to pray every night, I’m so damn afraid now.

“Don’t ask me if I can help you with html because I will not help you, bitch. Get yourself a life” – it’s a big, big shame, I really thought you’re the only person in the whole world who knows what html stands for. Yeah, I cannot just google what I want or click “view source”, I definitely ::::have to:::: ask for YOUR guidance as you are the ::::only:::: person who COULD help me -but of course you won’t. I think I will hang myself now.

Now… did I leave anything out?

2007