Words, words, words and creation

So she asks me again why I keep switching languages even in my own blog.

“Are you bilingual or what?” – nah, definitely not, nor am I aiming to be one. It would be too late in my mid-twenties anyway, you must acquire the two languages simulatenously before the sensitive period of language acquisition. And that is 5.5 years of age, so way too late for someone like me who just started English at school like most other kids in the world.

The thing is that I’m a somewhat verbaholic person: a slave to the words and sentences in my mind. I can’t help myself, I’m obsessed with language – no matter which tongue it is. When I was in Germany, I was literally thinking in German within a few days, even though my vocab and grammar is far from native-like competence. When I learned French, Swedish or Slovenian, I had the same thing – despite the fact that I know shit in both languages. Each time I left the classroom, my mind was overloaded with random French/Swedish/Slovenian expressions and words so I often thought: “Wow, if I actually spoke French/Swedish/Slovenian, I would be thinking in French/Swedish/Slovenian right now!” Nevertheless I remained pretty far from that, lol.

I just love the way one tames words. And it’s not just words, it’s a flow of thoughts that goes with it. Writing… just a chain of words, but so much more than that! I love writing. In fact, there are few things in life I love more than writing. Letters, diaries, blogs, articles, short stories, poem-like thingies… and sometimes just grabbing a piece of paper and scribbling words, just for the heck of it. I’m an addict, I was born like one.

Being in love with the entire ceremony of uttering and scribbling words does not automatically mean I can write. But what does it mean, to be able to write? To me, it kinda means reflecting – and creating – reality. Realizing and recognizing things that need to be shown, and being able to show them. Having somebody who reads what you have written and think “wow, I can see now”…

This ability is never entirely about words, but something that is much more of an integral part of one’s humanity. Something really deep, fragile and indescribable in which words become a mere tool, a simple device to serve an abstract purpose. Just like sleeping – you don’t usually realize you’re sleeping and still you do. It just happens on the level of instincts.

Words are important, words give a frame to everything you think and do – and the most important thing about words is that you can gain complete control over them. Yes, you can be overtly conscious about the range of words, expression and general language you use, but then again: the entire process of creation remains veiled, even for the eyes of the creator.