Terrible faux pas in front of the camera

Why is it that every time you make something dead embrassing, you always have the feeling that the whole world has seen it and will keep the event in their best memory until the day they die?  You just do some random shit and you tend to believe that “the whole world must know it by now”, even if apparently nobody gives a damn.

Bahhh, I’m so fucking clumsy, really. Made a terrible faux pass today. In fact, this little incident has been the most embrassing event of the past five years, if not my entire life. Grrr… Shit! I’d like to disappear from the surface of the earth and never be seen again.  At least not for the next few months.

Haha, the thing is that I finally got myself to do my very first compulsory “stand-up” today (you know when the reporter stands in the center of the camera with a live venue in the background and introduces the situation in a couple of minutes).  Somehow I never was overwhelmed by the desire to do this task -this bullshit that is even compulsory for us print media freaks.

But today I somehow thought “okay, it only takes a minute, who cares, you must do 30% percent of these silly tasks anyway, let’s get over it, it’s nothing extra” – which obviously, turned out to be a fatal mistake.

There was “nothing wrong” with my stand-up, except that:

1. After the first three words of the sentence, I realized I cannot finish it up, so I froze. Instead of going on as if nothing had happened, I made the worst thing possible: stood there in the position of a scared bunny starring at the hunter.

2. Then I tried to re-start… ermmm, a couple of times with the same result.

3. After this agony I asked the cameraman to stop this shit, delete it, then pointed out I cannot do it today, no way, let’s go and have a coffee instead.

4. When the cameraman insisted on me doing it, I finally made the worsssttt bloody stand-up of the history; within which I

a, talked drivel;

b, made a couple of mistakes;

c, had a few slips-of-the-tongue;

d, took breath at the wrong time.

Otherwise there was nothing wrong with it, but this is a pretty good list for a one-minute-long broadcast anyway. It could at least be used for international charity purposes or to gain financial support for Autists and Down-babies. It could well have been a shot for the show “The Last Wish”, a tv program that aims to make the dreams of mentally disturbed people come true. I could pass for a “mentally handicapped” young adult whose dream is to say a few words in front of a camera.

As a whole, there is nothing wrong with this concept, the only problem is that:

1. it was recorded and will be kept for future references (wish an earthquake destroyed Budapest);

2. it will be analyzed by people who know a lot about media studies, in practice as well as in theory;

3. there were plenty of eye-witnesses to the incident who may not bring the secret to the grave but may let the cat out of the bag any time;

4. everybody will think I cannot put together a sentence and refuse to articulate well while speaking, are afraid of everything that shines and takes record of events esp. the camera.

All in all, I sucked a big time, lemme dig a deep hole and hideeee. The incident led me to the nearest nonstop store where I bought myself a bottle of Kalinka vodka and a can of Red Bull, I really thought I needed something to drink asap. Should have thought of it BEFORE, not after the whole thing.

Later I met up with Eszter, complained to poor Szonja, dropped by to visit Hajni and went out for a pizza with Emke. A day rich in social intercourses. Would be better off now if the camera as such stayed out of this colourful social spectrum though. Tomorrow must better.

PS.: Holy promise: never, never in life will I ever make nasty remarks on random fifthrate media-stars. Nooooo way I ever want to be on screen, geez. Nota bene: the fact that I have been unable to WATCH any of my former camera-acts speakes volumes for my motivation and attitude. Right now I’m in the process of convincing the cameraman that I have “great things to offer” if my material gets deleted accidentally. Humankind is better off without it for sure.