Just like at the doctor’s or priest’s

A couple of days ago, I asked the others what this “KOS oral exam”-thingie actually covered. I wanted to know if any lexical knowledge is required, coz in that case I would have had to run around a bit to obtain the notes and the books. But no. They defined it the following way:

“Well, it’s basically an expert team of four people talking about you: analyzing your talents, abilities, giving you ideas and advice how to move on… They re-read your articles, re-watch your recordings and tell you what they think…that kind of stuff.”

“Oh – I immediately cheered up – and it’s only thirty minutes?”

Well, luckily it wasn’t. In fact, the whole thing was in like a two-hour-long delay by the time I got there. Then I was in for an hour, too – and it was pretty cool.

Whatever people say, I must admit that director Gábor has an amazing talent to read people’s mind, find out what they’re really like. And he is curious, too: it’s obvious he is not just doing it for the money. Honestly speaking, I never feel envious when I see people who do what they like and make shitloads of money with it – as long as they are good. And Gábor is good, no doubt about that. I never actually took any workshops with him, only did the 3 x 2 hours long lectures, plus the couple-minute long compulsory tv-practices. And still, he immediately knew a lot about my motivations and background. He pointed out things like “you look extremely confident, in a healthy way. I see that you know you have all those potentials in certain fields, yet you seem to be shy about showing your true colours. Why do you have a low self-esteem?” – and I was like “wow, how do you know all this”, but of course I didn’t show my surprise. He also immediately knew that my number one problem is focus: that I’m interested in so many entirely different things, fields and genres that many times I find myself in a chaos created by my own lack of limitations. That I have an overflow of thoughts and ideas, that I consciously work on putting things in order in my mind, yet like to be crazy, “in the positive sense of the word”, as he put it. He found out naturally that I’m an awful perfectionist, which often keeps me from the actual process of creation.

The discussion, to a certain extent, was like talking to your priest or psychologist, thus opening up was not a problem – especially not for somebody like me. They even asked me practical questions like how much I make (I don’t make a secret out of it anyway) and far-fetched stuff like “what I want to be when I grow up”. The funny thing is that this limitless, child-like paraphrase of the question made me answer without thinking, so I just replied “writer” in a second, and laughed. But that still takes time, I thought to myself, but didn’t tell them about it. They – just like most people – would probably tell me to get started right now, coz there is no point in waiting for something instead of working hard to make dreams come true. But no, I certainly know I’m not yet ready, have too much to learn till I can get down to business and do what I really want to do. When the student is ready, the master will appear – of course. No need to fear, no need to worry, and I certainly don’t for I know things that are supposed to happen will happen, no matter what.

They also said that even though all the records about me prove that I was “certainly” made for writing (grrr, it’s already too much to say such a thing, let alone writing it down… as if it was not a sacred thing I still need to grow up to), but I’m such a colourful personality in my interests and talents that I definitely need to focus more on the electronic media-related things.. as, they say, I will “need them to express myself in the long run”. This part of the conversation was pretty interesting, too.

All in all, it was extremely interesting and great fun, let’s not tell everything they’d said. I will keep certain things to myself, it’s just that I got home 20 minutes ago and needed to recharge my thought-batteries in this blog of mine.

Now off to take a bath and get ready for our self-organized DM-party. :)