Vampyres

Mixed feelings, ambivalent thoughts and numb nothingness. Another vivid picture on my internal wall, nevertheless A38 was fun. Mainly because of the company, catching up with the girls; Emke, Miriel, Panka in the afternoon after the main rehearsal, dear Charlotte joining us in the evening and later Csilla, even Csilla, yeah, after all the things we’ve been through in the summer. No, I’m not sore about her sort of letting me down in July. Wish we could have talked longer though.

The event itself did not attract that many people, this scene is reluctant to pay 2600 HUF for such a party. We spent most of our time in the backstage area and didn’t even get to see Killing Miranda as we had to get ready for the show (pictures, ladies?)… which was… well, ok. Nothing special this time, just a plain pre-Halloween-vampire performance with hectoliters of fake blood and fangs which didn’t quite stick to our teeth, haha. Director Gillz did a good job though, plus she really is a gifted actress, capable of doing much more than this of course. Well, I also am, although I have not yet found the actress in me lately… I am seriously afraid I’m just a regular drama queen instead… but aren’t we all? :P At least I can forget about shit and be happy for a few moments.  

All in all, eveything went fine; vodka+energy drinks, confidential discussions behind closed doors (lips sealed, girls – revealed too much, “if I cannot tell it to anybody, I tell it to everybody”), mediocre set list by the dj’s (apart from the Killing Miranda frontman playing some COX), plenty of familiar faces, good laughs with all the others, hot weather. The low point of the day was Árpi losing his temper in the morning and ranting for two hours nonstop which we spent in the busstop waiting for the first bus to come. I hate to see him so low, so week and so defenceless, it kills me. He really is in a miserable situation and I have no idea how to help him. It’s crappy to be completely helpless when you have a brotherlike friend you really love, yet you cannot give more than that. Well, crappy. Of course much more than that. 

Everything is fine really. Many things need to be resolved, we can get through all the shit though… for we are strong and there is light at the end of the tunnel (the train perhaps). I know I can do much more than this… I am worth a whole lot more, really. I just have to find a way to reach out and set myself free.  

Miriel’s doll (freaky, huh?)